Choosing What Comes Next: Start with the Life You Want to Create

How can you decide what deserves to come with you into your future when you haven't yet decided what you want that future to look like?

Imagine getting into your car, switching on the GPS and setting off without entering a destination.

You pull out of the driveway, turn onto the main road and approach the first intersection. Left or right? You choose left. A few kilometres later, you reach another intersection and recognise something about the neighbourhood. You have been here before.

Perhaps you should have turned right.

You change direction, drive a little further and find yourself back on a familiar road. The engine is running, the kilometres are adding up and you are certainly doing plenty of driving, yet you are no closer to anywhere you actually want to be.

Imagine the frustration. The wasted fuel. The time you could have spent enjoying wherever you were hoping to go.

And the worst part?

You can't even tell whether you are making progress because you haven't decided where you are going.

Now imagine stopping the car, taking a moment to choose your destination and entering it into the GPS.

Suddenly, you can see a route.

There may be several ways to get there. Some are shorter, others more scenic. You might encounter roadworks, unexpected delays or a turn you miss along the way. The GPS adjusts as new information becomes available, and you keep moving towards the place you have chosen.

I find myself thinking about how often we approach our lives like that first journey.

We keep moving. Working. Solving problems. Improving ourselves. Responding to whatever demands our attention.

We might even be achieving a great deal.

Yet how often do we stop to consider whether all that effort is taking us towards something we actually want?

Over the past two days, I have been exploring what it means to begin again and release expectations that may be limiting my choices. Now another question presents itself.

How can I decide what deserves to come with me if I haven't decided what I want to create?

And that brings me back to something I learned through Chris Duncan's Magnetic Mind coaching: begin with what you want.

Choose one area of life. Connect with how you want to experience it. Then begin creating a clear picture of what that looks like.

It sounds wonderfully simple.

Yet I know from experience how easy it is to lose that direction when our attention returns to everything we're trying to fix.

Choose What You Want to Create

When I first began coaching, I explored so many different approaches to personal development. I studied ways of changing thoughts, shifting beliefs, overcoming challenges and improving performance.

I learned a great deal, yet I kept encountering the same frustrating experience.

I would make progress, feel excited about what was possible and start moving towards something I wanted. Then an old pattern would appear, something wouldn't go to plan or I would recognise another problem that seemed to need my attention.

And off I would go again, trying to fix it.

I think of a pendulum swinging backwards and forwards.

One moment, my attention is on what I want to create. The next, I am concentrating on what I want to avoid.

Create. Fix. Create. Fix.

I start searching for answers, trying another approach, another technique, another way to overcome whatever is getting in the way. Then I remember what I want to create, and I begin moving towards it again.

Until another problem appears.

Backwards. Forwards. Backwards. Forwards.

I can see how much energy goes into moving between creating what I want and correcting what I don't want.

I am learning, developing skills and taking action, yet I keep finding myself dealing with familiar patterns.

And here is the uncomfortable question.

How much of my effort is going into creating the future I want, and how much is going into managing a past I am trying to escape?

That question changes how I look at progress.

Being busy doesn't necessarily mean I am moving forward. Developing more skills doesn't automatically mean I am creating the life I want. Even achieving a goal can leave me questioning what comes next if I have never considered the experience I hoped that achievement would give me.

There is a big difference between wanting less pressure and knowing what an enjoyable life looks like. Between wanting to stop procrastinating and knowing what meaningful progress feels like. Between wanting more freedom and being able to describe how I would actually experience it.

This is one of the reasons Chris Duncan's Magnetic Mind coaching has been so influential in my thinking.

Chris begins with what you want to create. His approach to personal growth encourages people to move from a problem-solving orientation towards a creative one, beginning with a desired end result and connecting with the feeling of already having it.

It is an approach I find liberating.

I can recognise my patterns, understand what they are showing me and still choose to direct my attention towards something entirely new.

The past provides information. The future gives me something to create.

So today, I am choosing one area to focus on.

Lifestyle.

That single word opens an interesting conversation with myself.

What kind of days do I want to experience? How do I want to spend my time? What place do family, friends, health, writing, speaking and meaningful work have in the life I am creating?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

How do I want my life to feel?

Feel the Experience Before You Create It

When I think about the lifestyle I want, three words come to mind.

Easy. Enjoyable. Empowering.

I sit with those words for a moment.

Easy doesn't mean a life without responsibility or challenge. I enjoy achieving things. I like developing ideas, helping people and doing work that makes a difference. I have spent years developing my capabilities, and I have plenty I still want to accomplish.

I want my days to have a rhythm that supports those ambitions, where looking after my health and making progress towards my goals feel like natural parts of how I live.

Enjoyable means having time to appreciate my life as I am living it. Spending time with my husband, seeing our daughters, connecting with family and friends, enjoying a coffee, going for a walk and having experiences to look forward to.

And empowering means knowing that the work I do helps other people experience more confidence, capability and choice in their own lives.

I can feel how these three qualities belong together.

Ease creates room to enjoy my life. Enjoyment gives me energy for the things that matter. And feeling empowered means using my capabilities to create something valuable beyond myself.

This also changes how I think about success.

I have spent a great deal of my life working towards achievements. Qualifications, business goals, programs, opportunities and outcomes. All of them have required commitment, discipline and effort.

Yet the experience of success matters just as much as the achievement itself.

What does it feel like to live the life those achievements are supposed to support?

There is fascinating neuroscience behind our ability to imagine experiences we haven't yet lived.

Neuroscientists Daniel Schacter, Donna Rose Addis and Randy Buckner have explored how the brain uses overlapping neural systems to remember the past and imagine possible futures. Their research suggests that we draw on elements of previous experiences to construct scenes of what might happen next.

I find that remarkable. The memories and experiences I have already collected can become ingredients for imagining something new.

Research by neuroscientist Joel Pearson also shows that visual mental imagery engages brain systems involved in perception, helping explain why imagining an experience can feel so vivid.

Of course, imagining a future doesn't guarantee it will happen. We still need decisions, action and experience to bring it to life.

For me, the value of imagining the future is that it makes my choices more specific.

I can begin to recognise what belongs in the life I am creating and what may no longer need so much of my time and attention.

Three Polaroids of the Life I Want

In Beginning Again Is Not Failure, I imagined two suitcases. One filled with everything yesterday has given me, the other waiting for whatever comes next.

Now I am beginning to see why deciding what to pack matters.

I need to know where I am going and what I want to experience when I get there.

And that is where three imaginary Polaroids come in.

I remember the old Polaroid cameras. You would take a photograph, watch the picture emerge and gradually discover what you had captured.

I find myself imagining three Polaroids of my future lifestyle.

Each one captures a moment when I am already experiencing one of my chosen qualities.

The First Polaroid: Easy

I am sitting with my calendar open in front of me.

Click.

There is my first photograph.

I am smiling.

My days have a rhythm I enjoy. Time for walking, cycling, looking after my health, writing, developing ideas and doing meaningful work is already part of the structure.

I can see how the activities on my calendar support both my long-term wellbeing and the goals I am working towards now.

There is enough space to enjoy what I am doing, and I know what deserves my attention.

I feel organised, capable and relaxed.

Everything has its place.

All I need to do is show up.

And that tells me something important about the structure I want to create. A useful routine gives my time direction while allowing me to enjoy how I spend it.

The Second Polaroid: Enjoyable

Click.

I am walking with my husband.

The morning air feels fresh, and we are enjoying the rhythm of moving together, talking about whatever comes to mind.

Perhaps we have stopped for coffee, sitting somewhere pleasant, watching the world go by.

We are talking about upcoming plans. Time with our girls, visits with friends, family gatherings and experiences we are looking forward to sharing.

There is no rush to get somewhere else.

We are enjoying where we are.

And as I picture that moment, I realise how much of the lifestyle I want revolves around connection.

Time together. Shared experiences. Conversations. Laughter. The freedom to enjoy the people and places that make life meaningful.

I want those experiences to have a genuine place in my life, rather than becoming something I squeeze into whatever time remains after everything else is done.

The Third Polaroid: Empowering

Click.

I am standing in front of an audience of leaders.

I can see people looking towards me, listening, considering what I am sharing.

We are talking about the behaviour of young people, the pressure they experience and the conditions that help them develop confidence, capability and connection.

I look around the room and imagine the decisions these leaders will make when they return to their organisations.

A manager who becomes curious about what is happening underneath an employee's behaviour.

A school leader who considers how the environment influences a young person's performance.

A parent who begins creating conditions where their children feel supported, challenged and capable of growing.

I can imagine the ripple effect spreading beyond the room.

One different conversation. One better decision. One person who feels understood and supported. An individual, a team, a family or a community experiencing something different.

And I feel empowered.

I am using the knowledge, experience and capability I have developed over many years to help others create meaningful change.

This is the kind of work I want more of.

Becoming the Person Who Lives That Future

I look at my three imaginary Polaroids.

A calendar that makes me smile.

A morning spent enjoying life with my husband.

An audience of leaders making decisions that positively influence the lives of others.

These images have something in common.

I am already living the experience I want to create.

I am the person who has a routine that supports my health, wellbeing and goals. I am the person who makes time for family, connection and enjoyment. I am the person who shares ideas that help other people create better outcomes.

And that brings me back to the question I started with.

How do I decide what deserves to come with me into my future?

I can begin evaluating my choices against the life I have just imagined.

Does this commitment support the rhythm I want in my days? Does this opportunity strengthen the relationships and experiences that matter? Does this project allow me to use my capabilities in ways that feel meaningful?

Looking at these three moments, I begin to recognise something about the choices I am making today.

If I want a lifestyle that feels easy, enjoyable and empowering, what am I doing that supports those experiences, and what am I continuing to do simply because it is become part of my routine?

This is particularly relevant as I reconsider the systems, responsibilities and activities that have accumulated around my business.

Some have served me incredibly well. Others may have belonged to an earlier version of what I was trying to create.

Now I have something more useful than a list of things to stop doing.

I have a picture of what I want to experience.

And I can begin choosing the behaviours, routines, commitments and opportunities that support it.

There is still work to do. There are decisions to make, practical realities to navigate and circumstances I cannot fully control.

I also know I can learn from what happens along the way and adjust my choices as new information becomes available.

I can be clear about the experience I want to create while remaining flexible about how I get there.

My future is becoming something I can participate in creating, rather than something I need to predict.

Begin From Here

In Beginning Again Is Not Failure, we explored the idea that we can choose what comes next without discarding everything we have learned. In Becoming Unstuck, we discovered how gratitude, acceptance and release can open our thinking to possibilities we had previously dismissed.

Today, we are giving those possibilities direction.

By choosing one area of life, connecting with how you want it to feel and imagining three specific moments of living it, you can begin recognising what deserves a place in your future. Your past has given you lessons and capabilities. Your choices now can help you put them to use.

You cannot choose what deserves to come with you until you know what you are creating.